Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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