are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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