Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
