arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
