My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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