remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
