i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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