Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
