I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
