you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
