maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
