Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
