Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
