its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
