The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
