My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
