Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
