CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
