just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Text me some of your sweat
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