did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
