Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
