Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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