the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
