dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
