Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
