UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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