He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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