and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
