the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
