my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
