I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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