i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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