I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
