We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
