When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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