Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
