shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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