tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
