Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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