Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
