I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
