she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
