looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
