I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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