I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
