At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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