My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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