dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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