You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Found the puke drawer
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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