I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
