I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
