so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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