I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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