You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
