I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
