He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
