Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
