We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
