omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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