i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
