How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
