its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
