I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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