We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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