Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
