She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
