If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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