i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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