Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
