Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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