Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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