Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
