this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
