Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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