I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
