I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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