She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
